Daily Archives: December 1, 2009

Bruised Ego, Not So Broken Bike

The voting for the Marcher Lord Select contest is now closed, and the results are in.

Out of 49 entries, mine ended up somewhere in the bottom 29. That means my manuscript will not be moving on to the next phase.

When I saw the final list sans mine, I admit to a few tears.

I shut down my computer, preferring to mope instead of wishing the winners Godspeed in the next round. I was not inclined to be gracious in losing. Yep, I wanted to be a poor sport, and sing to all within ear (eye) shot my “woe is me.”

And I did. For about thirty minutes as I watched my little boy — up and eager to play since 4am.

All the icky thoughts of how worthless my writing and stories are poked and prodded. Shouldn’t I just give up the entire writing thing — or at least publishing thing — and concentrate on more important things such as raising my child and making sure I work hard enough to keep food on the table? Perhaps I should write for my own pleasure and sanity, and forget about sharing my measly offerings to the world.

Nothing like a child with little care to put things in perspective. Here he played and giggled, thrilled with the single fact I allowed him out of his crib to run around the living room.

Really, what does it matter my story didn’t make the next round? It’s still possible MLP will pick up my book for publication; it just won’t be as soon as I’d like.

No longer desiring to wallow, but needing a spiritual “There, there,” I picked up my Bible and read the following passage:

“And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.” ~ 1 John 5:14

No matter how hard I fight it at times (more often than I should), writing is my heart’s desire. But more than that, I want to share it; not to glorify me, but to glorify God.

It’s at times like these — when I appear to fail — that God reminds me it’s not about me, but about him and his will.

So I have to ask, am I following God’s will by presenting my work to publishers?

The answer invariably comes back as yes.

How do I know?

In this case, because God, through his Word, pushed the self-pity away and encouraged me to get back on those boards and express my congratulations. By the time I wrote the last word, I was sincere about it. I also started my own thread to ask everyone what worked and what didn’t.

Within minutes someone responded with why she liked it and how she was saddened it wouldn’t be going forward.

My little 100-word blurb effected at least one person.

Proof enough to me I shouldn’t give up. With time, work and continued patience, my book will end up on someone’s shelf.

God willing.